Thankful for it all

TheToday has been such a wonderful and blessed day.  I woke up to a smiling and cheerful little Bug in my face saying , "Hi Momma!"

We went to Bug's toddler soccer practice and they had their first team picture and a little scrimmage. They look like little bees running around together. It melts my little heart to see Bug have fun learning new things and making friends.

After soccer we had a really nice brunch with my Dad, Sister Allie and her boyfriend Joe.  We always have a good time eating and talking about news stories. I had a delicious tri-tip and eggs. OMG it was delicious.  If you are ever in San Diego you need to go to Cali Comfort.  Their BBQ is so much better than Phil's; both are tasty but I'd take Cali Comfort over Phil's any day. 

On the way home the Bug fell asleep and took a glorious several hour nap whil I got ready for date night.  My hubby knows how much I love Harry Potter and he surprised me with tickets to the Potted Potter play at the Balboa Theater. Allie and Joe were kind enough to have a night in with Bug so we could be out on the town for a bit. It's fun to trade spots with them every so often. We get a taste of single com and they get a feel for the family life.  

After Potted Potter, my love took me for an amazing dinner at Bankers Hill.  This place is another must eat at establishment.  The service is wonderful, the bartender Christian is so knowledgable and talented, oh and the food is incredible.  We started off with a few cocktails and appetizers.  The bacon and orange marmalade "bruschetta" is to die for.  I wish we had ordered two servings; it was that good.  The toast was lightly grilled and topped with a goat cheese, orange and bacon marmalade with a frisée and apple salad on top.  I can't rave enough about this dish! I may go back tomorrow for more.  We followed this up with a delicate but delicious pear salad with pomegranate, goat cheese and honey over watercress. It was a solid dish but I still want more bruschetta.

My main course was a seasonal dish of fresh gnocchi and rosemary chicken meatballs with mushrooms and pumpkin.  It was so flavorful and filling but not too overwhelming.  It was a good portion but I wish there was more. I had to stop myself from licking my plate clean.  My Honey had a chipotle meatloaf over broccolini and scalloped potatoes. He let me have a few bites and his dish was tasty too.

The highlight of my evening was a cocktail.  My hubby has really been delving into whiskey, bourbons and scotch but they seem to strong for me.  I am always on the lookout for an approachable cocktail that we could share and help me understand his passion for the hooch.  I finally found one and it wasn't too girly either.  While I was at the vpbar chatting with the bartender we were discussing different bitter and a cocktail that was on the menu and how the bartender, Christian, would change it up for me. The original drink was called The Revolver and was a bourbon, coffee liquor, orange bitters and a orange rind.  Christian said he'd change it to a smoker scotch and exchange the orange bitters for a chocolate mole bitters.  It sounded wonderful so I ordered one and then another.  The smokiness of the Bomar Scotch paired beautifully with the bitters and liquor.  There was a smoky, salty and fresh smell that melded into a smooth drink with a strong smokiness on the back end.  It was the best cocktail I have had in a long time.  

Lastly, we ordered some desserts.  

A chocolate coconut tart with espresso gelato and kettle corn and....

A butterscotch pudding topped with creme fraiche, toffee and shortbread.

They were amazing but probably a little much.  The pudding was hands down the favorite.  I loved the flavors and textures between the pudding, creme and the shortbread.  It was perfect.

I am so thankful for days like today.  These days make all the other ones worth suffering through. Again, I am blessed. 

Forty Days of Labor...and then some

Two years ago at this moment I about killed my sister for eating a Lorna Doone. Let me preface it by stating I was in labor. I was two weeks late and I was so tired. I hadn't really slept in at least 36 hours. 

I haven't written my birth story down until tonight because I was to busy trying to keep up with having a little one. Bug is a really active little guy and he really loves attention. I think I also wasn't ready to process the changes that have happened. It feels like another lifetime ago. So much has changed in the last two years that I've been trying to stay afloat instead of sinking in memories. 

Tonight, I finally feel ready to memorialize the best day I've had so far. I think it could only be matched by the birth of another child should we be so blessed. There is something about childbirth that at least for me brought me the closest to God that I have ever been. In the moments of labor, you are teetering on a balance between life and death simultaneously. Anything can and does happen. There is nothing that can prepare you for the pain, the joy, the fear, the exhilaration and the immense sense of love, awe and accomplishment. It's the closest I have and will ever get to being Godlike and giving life to another wholly distinct individual. It's amazing and a gift I didn't think I would be able to experience.

When I was ready to contemplate becoming a mother I figured it would be easy. It's natural and there shouldn't be any problem.  I took the challenge of making a person seriously. I don't like to make my life harder than it ever needs to be so I studied and really researched and prepared for parenthood. I took a wonderful preconception class to help me figure out how to get ready for pregnancy mind, body and soul. I was surprised to learn I was more ready than I had thought. 

I had also started seeing a Catholic Doctor to help me physically prepare. I was and am a plus size woman but I'm in pretty good health. I had been scared by statistics linking obesity to difficulty getting pregnant, miscarriages, and still births. I was quite freaked out. In working with the Dr. it was discovered that I had wonky hormones.  I was told to prepare for a long journey to motherhood; my hormones would make it difficult to get pregnant and if or when I finally was pregnant I faced huge odds of miscarrying.

I was surprised when we found out we were pregnant. It happened the first month we decided to "pull the goalie".  It made it even more terrifying for me and I don't think I fully bonded with my pregnancy because of the fear of impending miscarriage. In any case, our Bug was coming at the right time. Two days after our pregnancy was confirmed by the OB, our beautiful fur baby Lucille passed away. She waited long enough to make sure our arms wouldn't be empty. I see Lucy as Bug's furry dog mom. 

My pregnancy was pretty unremarkable and easy. I was so blessed. It made me even more apprehensive that something horrible was going to happen. I just had to wait. That horrible event never came. I spent too much time being fearful and worrying. Looking back my only obstacle was me but this is my birth story about how the two of us became three. 

On September 11, 2011 I woke up about 3 AM and panicked because I hadn't felt Bug move in a really long time. I drank cold water and juice and he still wouldn't budge. I was also getting annoying tightening. I finally woke up my husband and decided to go to Labor and Delivery to get checked out.  We had to wake our poor neighbors along the way because there was a body passed out on their lawn. Turns out some drunk guy got lost in the neighborhood and decided to take a nap. 

At L&D I was checked in quickly. I was hooked up to monitors and they easily saw Bug was fine and more easily saw I was in silent labor. I couldn't really feel contractions but more the normal pains of advanced pregnancy.  What I couldn't feel though was my baby moving at all. The contractions were so regular the they held him tight so he didn't really move too much. My biggest worry after I knew he was ok was making sure he wasn't born on 9/11. I went home with instructions to take it easy. The OB was worried Bug would be coming a month early. Every week at our appointments the OB would tell me Bug was coming any day and yet that day didn't come on its own. Laboring was horrible and daily. When I was up and about the contractions would grow stronger and closer but the moment I stopped to rest, labor stopped too. This went on for a month. Every day. For a month.  I would labor like this on the couch every day. 

My due date, October 11, 2011, came and went and finally the OB scheduled me for an induction he didn't think I'd make it to. I was to check in on October 20 at 7 PM.  Suddenly it was getting real. I was a natural birth warrior. I wanted to ride out the pain and bought in to the "my body knows what to do"  "I was meant for this" crap from recent documentaries. I had planned and researched and planned some more for an event I now realize is unpredictable. Hind sight is 20/20. 

I wanted to be like those women in history that squatted in a field to give birth and just tied their suckling newborns to them and went about plowing the fields. Ok, maybe not really but I was dead set on letting my body do its thing. This was pain with a purpose and in all honesty it felt good until it didn't. 

So after being too excited to sleep and too pregnant to get comfortable, I greeted my induction day exhausted. I was beat but I was ready.  I felt the most "me" I ever had; awkward and fearful, excited and anxious. I had planned my steps for this day down to minutiae. I was horrified at the prospect of pooping on the table during birth so I planned the most nutritious meal that would be the least likely to be digested when pushing time came. I had planned on going to my favorite sushi house Okawa for Tepanyaki . The rice and noodles would be great fuel for the marathon ahead with the vegetables and steak providing more long lasting fullness. This was my last meal before evicting my tardy fetus and I wanted us both to be going into this labor with full bellies. 

One thing that's a huge horror is telling a very pregnant woman she can't have what she wants. That happened to me on induction day twice!  Okawa was closed when we needed to eat so I had to go to my back up plan, Shogun's. It's equally delicious but it wasn't what I had planned. I was pissed. The cool, crisp carrot ginger salad and warm onion mushroom soup were delicious and they made me feel a little better about not getting my way though. After that I pregnancy gorged aka "attempted to eat food I had no room in my belly for" on a crunchy roll and filet mignon. I was feasting since once I was admitted I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until the Bug was in my arms. 

After dinner I called the hospital and due to the abundance of women spontaneously going into natural labor I wouldn't be able to check in on time. I was even told I may not be able to check in at all. I was pissed again. Now I'd have to plan a lasting non-poopy snack to extend my full belly. I settled on a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat with a banana. I was too full to eat it at the time I was allowed to check in but I forced myself to eat a few bites as I walked into the hospital out of the fear of not knowing when my next meal would come. 

I was able to waddle myself to check in at 7:30 PM so I wasn't too far off schedule. It took awhile to go over my birth plan and get settled with my nurse. I was already having contractions every 5 minutes lasting 60 second each so they only gave me half the dose of cytotec to getting things moving "harder better faster longer".  

My nurse was wonderful but I didn't get to keep her long. She was transferred to another mother further along than me. She did spoil me though with this wonderful pregnancy cocktail she created. It was simple sprite with cranberry juice but to me it was delicious nectar from God. I sipped my drink as my parents, sisters and mother in law came in to tuck us in and wish us luck. They would be back the next morning when the real work began. That is when I snapped. I don't know what got in to me but I lit up my sister for sneaking a box of Lorna Doone cookies in to my room. I had explicitly said that if I couldn't eat in there than no one could. I lost my ish over a cookie. After that the family left and we hunkered down for the night. I was texting and face booking in between contractions  and watching Harry Potter while my husband snored away. Things were getting real and it was happening fast.